As I walked to fetch lunch yesterday, I ran into a friend who was on his way to a (pretty big) commercial audition. Seeing him made me think: when will I quit my day job? When will I support myself with acting, video and such?

From an index magazine interview with Richard James, a.k.a. Aphex Twin:

MEREDITH: Well, it’s great to make money by doing what you want to do. RICHARD: But if I didn’t make any money, I wouldn’t give up making music. I used to make more music in college, when I had a shit job. I couldn’t wait to get home and start working. I wouldn’t want to be in that position now, but the rush of going into my bedroom after being trapped in school all day, it was quite lush. MEREDITH: You’d find yourself almost running back. RICHARD: Yeah. But when I left college and started just doing music, it took about three years to come to terms with not having to work at a job. Having all the time I wanted wasn’t so good ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?É¬Æ it was hard to be happy, even though it was what I’d wanted for ages. I had a bit of cash, I didn’t have to get a job, but it wasn’t as exciting as coming home and looking forward to making music. MEREDITH: And now … RICHARD: I got used to it, and now I really love it.

In other words, live and work in the right now, not OhMyLifeWouldBePerfectIfOnlyIHadMoreTimeToDoThisAndThat Land.

*** A pause while I listen to a Steven Johnson interview about emergence. Done. Well worth listening to and it has samples of Eno’s Generative Music &em; the first time I’ve heard any. ***

But how to deal with doubt?

From an interview with Brian Eno:

PETER: It seems that almost the biggest pain humans can feel is total aloneness. BRIAN: Occasionally I go off for a few days just to sit somewhere on my own. I refer to it as “going into the abyss.” I don’t even take books because they?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥re another way of engaging in the group consciousness. The idea is that I’ll spend some time in a quite boring place where I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t know anybody and I don?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥t speak the language. PETER: What’s that like? BRIAN: It’s actually very traumatic. The first two days are especially disturbing. I lose sense of the value of anything I’ve been doing ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?É¬Æ it all starts to look completely meaningless. If I were actually depressed, I would never do this because I could very quickly end up topping myself. [laughs] PETER: Does it eventually become a positive experience? BRIAN: Yes. It’s a fantastic moment. Suddenly I’m no longer desperate. All these things that I had thought were wonderful suddenly look like shit, but there?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s still something great about being alive. It kind of reaffirms everything.

Hmmm. I’m a broody bastard today.

Elsewhere in the interview, Eno recommends Richard Sennett’s The Uses of Disorder. I’d like to read that. Read an interview with Autechre and more, if you like; one can learn from their workflow. And here’s another another Steven Johnson interview.

Eh. I don’t feel like drawing a neat line through all of the above. If you don’t see a line there you’re probably not reading this bit, either.

I’m thinking about starting an improv/theatre wiki or adding a lot to the Wikipedia. Ross and Dan both think it’s a good idea. What about you?